I have been studying as an apprentice with Ngak’chang Rinpoche and Khandro Déchen since 1997 and at the moment I am working towards ordination. I never felt any hurry to take ordination. Vajra commitment and ordination are the most essential aspect of Vajrayana. One is told to take this step only when you have arrived at a point of complete confidence about the authenticity of the teacher and the teachings he or she manifest – because you never should break that commitment. The prospect of this commitment feels terrifying, seductively exciting and also very necessary in order to go beyond the limits of my self-protective tendencies to the open dimension of experience. I feel somehow that this is very much trusting in my own intrinsic goodness and the motivation that comes from it. The only guarantee I can really rely upon is in my own authenticity as a practitioner and as a person and my capacity to trust my Lamas and follow their advice. I think this goes for any aspect of our lives; taking responsibility is necessary to live a good life.

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