some of them should be manacled

Prospective apprentice There is an impression I have from being around your sangha that I have not found elsewhere – of it being completely normal to have likes and dislikes and to be able to be discuss these things sometimes quite dramatically.

Ngak’chang Rinpoche Yes. We feel it is important for people to be open and forthright about their subjectivity – and at the same time to acknowledge their subjectivity as being just that – subjectivity. If you regard your likes and dislikes as subjective – there is never any clash with another person, no matter how strongly worded your like or dislike happen to be. We like to encourage apprentices to be natural. We do not like anyone to have to alter how they are in terms of their personalities or proclivities – apart from kindness and courtesy to others. This means—in the best cases—that they are able to disagree without causing offence. When there is no right or wrong backing up a view – it can be expressed in an unwithheld manner. It is only when I present the view that Frank Sinatra talked his way through every tuneless ditty he ever tried to sing as an objective fact, that it becomes offensive. If it is merely my subjective view—albeit strongly held—then I can listen to your subjective view which is entirely contrary. Then we can both laugh about it.

Prospective apprentice I found it rather shocking at first but after thinking about it – I had to admit that what was shocked was not exactly ‘me’ – but a version of me that has developed since I first encountered Buddhism and started attending retreats with different Lamas.

Khandro Déchen Yes – this tends to happen in any spiritual setting. This also happens in political or philosophical setting. People wish to be accepted and therefore gradually adapt to the group ethos. It happens in our sangha too, I might add – we are by no means free of that process. It is not possible to eradicate it. It is only possible to be aware of it and undermine it wherever possible.

Prospective apprentice It as if I had changed or learnt to be a different way. In many way this has been good, because I needed to change in certain ways and need to continue changing – but what I didn’t like when I saw it, was that I lost some of my appreciation and simplicity. I have become kind of guarded or flattened out in some way. I think that I must have tried to fit in without knowing consciously that this is what I was trying to do. Then when I spent time around your sangha I felt critical of what seemed to be some kind of brashness or grossness.

Ngak’chang Rinpoche Yes – some of them should be manacled.

Prospective apprentice I hope this doesn’t sound offensive because that is far from my intention – and because I have come to see this reaction as my problem. Your sangha is actually very natural, honest, and good natured.

Ngak’chang Rinpoche Yes – especially the ones who need to be manacled.

Prospective apprentice They are unselfconscious about what they like and what they don’t like. They seem to have no ‘spiritual embarrassment’ about their desires or the things they would like to own. Is this something you have encouraged?

Khandro Déchen Yes. There is nothing to be gained from anyone hiding what they are in order to appear to be more spiritual. If there is something to be gained from presenting a false face of any kind then this is a recipe for ‘spiritual correctness’ and everything that follows from that becomes a form of indoctrination. We try to avoid that.