Tiger

RIDING the Tiger

The position of ultimate trust is like riding the tiger. The fur of the tiger is soft, cosy, and warm, on the calves, the thighs, and the buttocks—or whatever comes into contact with the vajra pelt. But if one dismounts—one experiences the teeth and claws of the tiger. The teeth and claws of the tiger are not soft. They are not cosy. They are not warm unless it is with the blood of our self-enamoured justifications.

Almost everyone who attends a gö kar chang lo ordination retreat thinks about the possibility of taking ordination themselves at some point in the future. We neither encourage nor discourage this speculation. The choice and decision to move toward ordination is highly personal and cannot be encouraged. It is foolish to hurry this step. Those who take ordination move into vajra commitment in a completely definite way. They vow to apply the Fourteen Root Vows in their lives and to allow those vows to take precedence over their relative rationale. This applies particularly to concepts which arise within the context of counselling / therapy / psychotherapy. One vows to remain within the parameters of the Fourteen Root Vows as the singular indication of one’s psychological health. One takes one’s relationship with one’s Lama/s as being primary in terms of its quality. If one slips from pure vision, one regards that degradation of relationship as a sign of illness – and one then relies on one’s vajra brothers and sisters as the means by which one returns to pure vision.

The position of ultimate trust is like riding the tiger. The fur of the tiger is soft, cosy, and warm, on the calves, the thighs, and the buttocks—or whatever comes into contact with the vajra pelt. But if one dismounts—one experiences the teeth and claws of the tiger. The teeth and claws of the tiger are not soft. They are not cosy. They are not warm unless it is with the blood of our self-enamoured justifications.

The analogy of riding the tiger is sometimes severely misunderstood. It is not that the tiger is the Lama and the rider is the disciple. The disciple is both tiger and rider. The disciple rides the tiger of vajra commitment, and if he or she breaks their vows – they dismount from the tiger of their own transformed neuroses. Once having dismounted – the transformation implodes on itself and the glorious quality of the tiger of vajra commitment tears itself to pieces. It devours itself. The Lama takes no part in any form of punishment or retribution in terms of vow breakage – in fact, he or she only ever attempts to be gentle, kind, and reassuring – in the hope that the vow breaker will not cause himself or herself too much damage. Unfortunately the kindness of the Lama is invariably perceived as terrifying. The disciple projects the image of the tiger onto the Lama/s and then experiences all attempts to help as vicious attempts at mutilation.

Those who have taken ordination will all be familiar with admonishments such as these. They will have read these warnings many times. They will have been reminded of these warnings on countless occasions. They will have discussed the issue to such a degree that they will have delved the dregs of conceptuality with regard to their secret desires for privacy in their ‘secret samsaras’. It is hoped, therefore, that they will have understood the meaning of the vows at a visceral level. It is nonetheless important to restate this message with every teaching, and on every occasion. It is important, because we all break our vows. The Fourteen Root Vows are impossible to keep – unless one is an enlightened being. Because of this, the practice is one of continually returning to the vows – and of relying on one’s vajra brothers and sisters in that effort. When we take vows – we commit ourselves to accepting the advice of our vajra brothers and sisters when they perceive us to be in danger of breaking our vows. A sure sign of danger is when we come to resent our vajra brothers and sisters. It can occasionally be a claustrophobic situation for all of us. The state of holding vows is not always a wonderfully happy and contented situation – it is an alternating situation. Remaining within the vows is a creative harmony – turning one’s back on one’s vows is a sharp return to alienation, purposelessness, despair, boredom, frustration – and to the despotism of one’s own neuroses. One knows this when one takes vows.

No one who takes vows acts perfectly all the time – but everyone who tries to live the vows develops a way of relying on the vows to transform their own experience of reality. Mistakes are continually made and continually rectified. There is no blame. There is no recrimination. There is only going forward as vow holders and being honoured as such by other vow holders for whom we represent examples to which they can aspire. It is the most gloriously appalling responsibility.

 
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