The ‘ten second problem’

Apprentice I would like to ask you about practice. Why is it that my practice is often such a contrast to my everyday life, with the depression that seems to dominate me for periods? In silent sitting I am able to relax. At first I tried to stare into the face of my depression.  I tried to find, force, and face it, and ‘stare it down’—but finally I relaxed, because I could never get my depression to rise.

Khandro Déchen Depression does not rise—it sinks, and then you sink with it.

Apprentice What happened was that an overwhelming and ongoing joy took over my sitting practice; joy about nothing in particular—but simply joy in terms of practising integration with whatever was arising in the sense fields.

Khandro Déchen Quite. It is not possible to be depressed whilst integrating with the sense fields.

Apprentice Why am I unable to take this practice into daily life? Getting up from the cushion and getting into contact with anything that reminds me of me and my problems always starts the spiral of depression again. Whenever I force myself on the cushion, I am fine; leaving the gompa starts the countdown to hell.

Khandro Déchen Yes—it would.  The problem you are facing is one of integration.  Integration with the sense fields is naturally the answer whilst sitting—but there is no integration when you leave your cushion. You should experiment with integrating your problems into your sitting practise. Deliberately think of one of your ‘life problems’ for ten seconds and then let it go. Repeat this ‘thinking of a problem for ten seconds’ every 3-5 minutes as you sit. Try this suggestion and let us know what happens. The ‘ten second problem’ will ruin your sitting at first—but gradually you will develop a spaciousness with regard to the concepts that give rise to depression.