Apologises for being English

Apprentice I have had some awful misunderstandings with friends and people I like very much and I wonder if you have any ideas about now to avoid having misunderstandings?

Ngak’chang Rinpoche The best way to avoid misunderstandings is not to misunderstand. But maybe that is not the question you wanted to ask? I feel that the question you wanted to ask, was: ‘How do I avoid misunderstandings turning into awful misunderstandings?’ If that is the question then the answer is much more approachable. The crucial factor is to believe that the friends you cherish are basically well intentioned toward you and that they are plagued with at least as many misunderstandings as you. Given that this is the case—there would be no bowel searing need to become upset or angry. It is not the misunderstandings that are the problem—but the reaction to them. Misunderstanding without: being hurt, bad feeling, taking offence, wounded pride, petulance, humiliation, anger, peevish resentment, bitterness, umbrage, antipathy, indignation, pique, bile, self righteous rage, affront, or temper tantrum . . . could actually be a cause of humour.

I have had misunderstandings in the USA. I thought a ‘rest room’ was a place to rest and was a little disappointed at 5.30 in the morning at Washington DC airport. But I did not feel constrained to shoot anyone over the incident. I once mistakenly termed an ‘eraser’ a ‘rubber’ and caused great mirth—but I found I did not have to feel peeved concerning laughter at my expense. My most noticeable faux pas occurred in California when I was the house guest of students of Tharchin Rinpoche. I asked if I could be of help and was assured that it was not necessary and that I should take my ease. I said that I would like to help and so they suggested that I could set the tables if I really wanted to do something. I was told that the silverware was in the top right hand drawer . . . I searched. After ten minutes of fruitless investigation I called down to my hosts that I could only find stainless steel cutlery . . . They laughed heartily about it and I apologised for being English.