If I am a practitioner

Being simple does not mean that one becomes monochromatic.

Being simple does not mean being stunted in our appreciation of everything in our lives.

Being simple does not mean that we exert no effort to make everything as beautiful as possible within our capacity.

When we invite guests to dinner we could polish the cutlery and light candles. When riding horses we can groom them well, we can make them look their best. We can polish our boots, even though we know they will be completely splattered minutes after we enter the arena. We can wash the horses’ ‘white socks’ even though we know they will get muddy in the next few hours. We can delight in the silky touch of a washed tail. We can clean the saddle and bridle and appreciate the supple feel of the leather.

Being simple means returning to the state of absolute appreciation within the sparkling fields of the senses, whenever we become distracted.

To become distracted is to become dissatisfied with the present moment – wherever we happen to find ourselves. For practitioners, wherever we are is the perfect place to experience the confusing oscillation of emptiness and form. Wherever we are is the perfect place to experience the ambiguity of every waking moment. When I think the baby Ræchel is asleep and I hear little murmurings—and then realise our seven-year-old son Robert is comforting her by waking her up—it is simply perfect in its imperfection. Dissatisfaction is always prefaced unconsciously with the words: But I thought that . . . with: But I want this, not that or with: But I want it – and I want it now.

Living the view means that we are reminded of the view all the time in terms of our lives as practitioners. Even if life becomes difficult, we can simply consider ourselves to be practitioners in everything that occurs and in everything that demands our attention. One simply remembers that one is a practitioner:

‘I am a practitioner’

A practitioner simply attempts to see what is happening—as it is—without the filters of But I thought that . . . without: But I want this, not that and without: But I want it – and I want it now.

A practitioner simply attempts to remain with the knowledge that there is nowhere else to be. It is simple. It could be simply ecstatic – if appreciation of the moment registers as absolutely unavoidable. How this alters life or one’s state of mind is actually completely irrelevant – one simply remembers:

‘I am a practitioner’

The idea ‘I am a practitioner’ is the merest of notions and one that should be easy to remember – if we were more simple. Most people forget they are practitioners. It seems difficult for many practitioners, simply to remember:

‘I am a practitioner’

It might at first seem difficult but if one remembers ‘I am a practitioner’, this has a subtle yet powerful influence on one’s life. In situations which feel awful, it is particularly important to remember:

‘I am a practitioner experiencing this awful situation’

Inspiration and devotion are the only conduits through which we can pass as practitioners. This is what energises us in terms of taking the trouble to appreciate the cutlery, the saddlery, the boots, the shoes, Robert – the caring seven-year-old son. It also enables us to simply embrace not being able to have what we want, exactly when we happen to want it. This is assimilation – the assimilation of:

‘I am a practitioner’

Naturally it is difficult from the dualistic perspective, but for a practitioner it can become easier through simply allowing ‘I am a practitioner’ to become pervasive. If ‘I am a practitioner’ pervades one’s awareness in the moment-by-moment passage of life – it becomes extremely powerful – and this power lies in simplicity. If ‘I am a practitioner’ becomes truly pervasive then it becomes hilariously disabling to one’s neurotic patterning. One’s neurotic patterns become unbearably, frustratingly embarrassing. We simply become unable to hang on to patterns because our ‘protective obliviousness’ to the self-creation of neurosis becomes self-revealed and self-undermined in the context of ‘I am a practitioner’. Being a practitioner is choiceless and that is simple. For it to be a matter of choice whether one accepts that one is a practitioner in each scenario that unfolds is highly complex. If one lives in the realm of choice – one cannot say: ‘I am a practitioner’.

Practitioners—who know they are practitioners—are the sole members of the audience witnessing their own alternate laughter and squirming in response to their neuroses. This wordless witnessing is what allows our ability to understand and connect with others. One cannot undergo alternating laughter and squirming with regard to one’s neuroses whilst condemning others whose patterns reveal themselves to us. When we see this simply, we become more fluently and intimately connected to those who touch our lives.

To say ‘I am a practitioner’ means that one needs to be simple in one’s relationship with one’s lover. This means being open, kind, and honest. If you love someone, you do not become distracted from what you know they enjoy, so—for a practitioner—it becomes simple to give your lover whatever it is for which they wish. If one experiences love for someone then one does not need to make demands – one’s needs are met in the moment they arise. There is no reason to manipulate. Manipulation is born of the fear of insubstantiality, impermanence, isolation, paranoia, and lack of control. Manipulation breeds more manipulation and constricts itself in ever-decreasing circles of painful complexity. Manipulation is doomed to failure, and if ‘I am a practitioner’ I recognise that being simple is choiceless.

If ‘I am a practitioner’ I need to have a simple relationship with the vajra master. This precludes ideas I may consciously or unconsciously harbour of ‘hiding out’.

If ‘I am a practitioner’ I must not seek to have my neurotic patterns honoured or validated by the vajra master.

If ‘I am a practitioner’ I should not seek justification from the vajra master.

These approaches all represent complexity.

If ‘I am a practitioner’, simplicity means being open to being teased by the vajra master in such a manner that my worst aspects may be laid bare for all to see. That does not mean that this will necessarily happen – but I must be open to that possibility.

If ‘I am a practitioner’, anything other than being totally open is a complex manipulation of the very relationship which is our path to realisation.

If ‘I am a practitioner’ complexity of any kind is a waste of time.